he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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