If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize