And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mom said you looked used
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
