he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
