Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My friends, they love my intelligence
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize