..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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