You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
