Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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