Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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