Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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