This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
