Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
