I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
