Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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