Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
