I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This is my gift to your gina
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
