Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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