She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
