If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
