I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
