It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
