you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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