Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
