Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
