Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
