Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
