everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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