I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
