i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
