Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize