Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
