Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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