So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
