you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
