if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The Olympian is in my bed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
