Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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