im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm both gender and math confused
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
