u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
