dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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