i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
