Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
