Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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