If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
