dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
