I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
