I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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