I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
