Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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