My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
