I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
