Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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