I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
