I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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