The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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