i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think your dad took our porno
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
