Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
