I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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