Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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