ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
