arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
