WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
