she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
