saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
