The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
